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Kids & The Bible
The
following statements about the bible have been written by children and have
not been retouched or corrected (i.e. bad spelling has been left in):
- In
the first book of the Bible, Guiness, God got tired of creating the world,
so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam
and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's
wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah
built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
- Lots
wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The
Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the
unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson
was a strongman who let himself be lead astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
- Samson
slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
- Moses
led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is
bread without any ingredients.
- The
Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
- Afterwards,
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
- The
first commandment as when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The
seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses
died before he ever reached Canada.
- Then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- The
greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still
and he obeyed him.
- David
was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the
Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
- Solomon,
one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When
Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- When
the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the
manager.
- Jesus
was born because Mary had a immaculate contraption.
- St.
John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus
enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do
one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat
alone."
- It
was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
- The
people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- The
epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One
of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
- St.
Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another
name for marriage.
- A
Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
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