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Difference between men & women
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good
time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy
themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither
one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs
to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize
that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a
very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him
that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe
he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he
doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this
kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space,
so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the
way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we
just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I
ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it wa! s . . . let's see
February when we started going out, which was right after I had
the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . .
Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.
Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even
before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it.
That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's
afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not
shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this
time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like
a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be
angry, too.
God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help
the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day
warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting
for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting
right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I
truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person
who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give
them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it ...
'Roger," Elaine says aloud.
'What?" says Roger, startled.
'Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have said...! . . Oh
God, I feel so .... . "(She breaks down, sobbing.)
'What?" says Roger.
'I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no
knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no
horse."
'There's no horse?" says Roger.
'You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger. He's glad to finally know the correct answer.
'It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,"
Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he
can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that
he thinks might work.)
'Yes," he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you
really feel that way?" she says.
'What way?" says Roger.
'That way about time," says Elaine.
'Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing
him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if
it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
'Thank you, Roger," she says.
'Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his
place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes
deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of.
A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if
he
doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two
of them,and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he
said,! going
over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe
months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with
it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing squash one day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:
'Bill, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
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