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Rules for men for dealing with women
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing
with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just
how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make
the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and
points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed
...........................................................................................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows................................................................ 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets...................................................................................-1
You leave the toilet seat
up................................................................................................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is
empty................................................................................
0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex..................................................................-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next
bathroom.......................................................................-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with
wings....................................................................+5
in the
snow.......................................................................................................................................+8
but return with
beer...........................................................................................................................-5
and no
liners....................................................................................................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at
night...........................................................................................
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is
nothing...............................................................................
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is
something..........................................................................+5
You pummel it with a six
iron...........................................................................................................+10
It's her
cat........................................................................................................................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire
party....................................................................................................
0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking
buddy................................-2
Named
Tiffany...................................................................................................................................-4
Tiffany is a
dancer.............................................................................................................................-10
With breast
implants..........................................................................................................................-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her
birthday..................................................................................................................0
You buy a card and
flowers..................................................................................................................0
You take her out to
dinner...................................................................................................................
0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar..............................................................................+1
Okay, it is a sports
bar........................................................................................................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat
night...............................................................................................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, & your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team........-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a
pal.......................................................................................................................................0
The pal is happily
married..................................................................................................................+1
The pal is
single..................................................................................................................................-7
He drives a
Ferrari...........................................................................................................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................................................................................-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a
movie....................................................................................................................+2
You take her to a movie she
likes......................................................................................................+4
You take her to a movie you
hate......................................................................................................+6
You take her to a movie you
like.......................................................................................................-2
It's called Death Cop
3.....................................................................................................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat
humans............................................................................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about
orphans........................................................................-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot
belly..................................................................................................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of
it...........................................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts....................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one
too."...............................................................................-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in
responding...............................................................................................................-10
You reply,
"Where?"........................................................................................................................-35
You reply, "no, I think it's your
butt"...............................................................................................-100
Any other
response..........................................................................................................................-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned
expression......................................................................................0
You listen, for over 30
minutes...........................................................................................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar
experience..................................................................+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do
you think I should
do".................................................................................................................................................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
TV.......................................................+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen
asleep...........................................................................-200
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