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The Seven Basic Needs of a Woman
Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her
seven basic marital needs:
1. Her need for a spiritual leader. He is a man of courage, conviction,
commitment, compassion, and character. He takes the initiative in cultivating a
spiritual environment for the family. He becomes a capable and competent student
of God's Word and lives out before all a life founded on the Word of God. He
leads his wife in becoming a woman of God, and he takes the lead in training the
children in the things of the Lord. (Psalm 1, Ephesians 5:23-27)
2. Her need to personal affirmation/appreciation. He praises her for personal
attributes and qualities. He extols her virtues as a wife, mother, and
homemaker. He openly commends her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous
mate, friend, lover, and companion. She feels that to him, no one is more
important in this world. (Proverbs 31:28-29, Song of Solomon 4:1-7, 6:4-9,
7:1-9)
3. Her need for personal affection (romance). He showers her with timely >and
generous displays of affection. He also tells her how much he cares for her with
a steadfast flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies.
Remember: Affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed and a
wonderful marriage developed. (Song of Solomon 6:10, 13, Ephesians 5:28-29,33)
4. Her need for intimate conversation. He talks with her at the feeling level
(heart to heart). He listens to her thoughts (i.e., her heart) about the events
of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her
convey a desire to understand her, not to change her. (Song of Solomon 2:8-14,
8:13-14, I Peter 3:7)
5. Her need for honest and openness. He looks into her eyes and, in love, tells
her what he really thinks (Ephesians 4:15). He explains his plans and actions
clearly and completely because he regards himself as responsible for her. He
wants her to trust him and feel secure. (Proverbs 15:22-23)
6. Her need for home support and stability. He firmly shoulders the
responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. He provides and protects,
and he does not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. Instead he looks
for concrete ways to improve home life. He desires to raise their marriage and
family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember: The husband/father is the
security hub of the family (I Timothy 5:8)
7. Her need for family commitment. He puts his family first. He commits his time
and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the
children. For example, he prays with them (especially at night by the bedside),
he reads to them, he engages in sports with them, and takes them on other
outings. He does not play the fool's game of working long hours, trying to get
ahead, while children and spouse languish in neglect. (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians
3:19-20)
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